![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Hello. I really feel I should come out of hiding, but it's always a bit weird after such a long break. (or pause? I've been wondering which to use for quite some seconds... :D)
I know a bit of how you've been doing, because I have been reading my reading list, even if not too regularly. And, as usual, I'm grateful to you for continuing to write and making me feel that there's a world out there. But nevertheless let me ask - how have you been doing?
I disappeared, because this last academic year ate me up and spat me out, and I just couldn't anymore at some point. By now, the academic year is mostly over. There are still exams, final projects and such, but no more teaching. And only a few things that require my participation.
My advanced class gave me a book of poetry and an incredibly nice card - they filled its two pages with very small handwriting, I can barely read it, but isn't it tremendously sweet of them to feel the need to say all that to me? I remember they wanted to "send me a present" last year - we couldn't meet because of CoVid, so they asked for my address :D I said I couldn't accept anything, because they were still going to be my students next (= this) year, so - now they made up for that.
Our section gave us language teachers presents - for the first time in the almost 10 years I work there - and I was the first to get one. I mean, I've been there for almost ten years. I've gotten used to the feeling that I'm not really appreciated. So it was a nice gesture. The present is a gift card to a book shop - I don't know for how much money, though, it's not written anywhere on the card, so I'll have to go there and ask. (and the book shop is where I work, which is 3 hours away from where I live, and I'm not going back there before the new academic year starts, so...)
What else? I'm doing my best to stay or become friends with some... friends... sounds funny, but, you see - my best friend found happiness one and a half hours away from our town, and with CoVid and everything... and with her getting pregnant and now having a very new little baby - we didn't see each other much in the last two years. And a friend is an animal you need to cuddle, feed and listen to, otherwise they loose the connection. So - I'm trying to go and see her on a regular basis now. Up until now, I've managed to visit her once. The second visit has been postponed twice, it's now scheduled for this coming Thursday. I hope I'll manage to get there and have a good time.
The other "friend I'm trying to become friends with" is the wife of our friend who died in January. It was always enough for us to love him, and to be OK with her. But now that he is gone, we feel that we don't want to loose contact. I think, she and I are quite similar - we're both loners who like hiding under their beds, which is why it isn't easy for us to actually see each other enough to become friends. But last time she was here (she lives 2 hours away, too) I took her to the pool and we had a really good time and good conversation. So. I'm hopeful.
We feel the loss of the two friends who died keenly. Not only because we loved _them_, but also because... and this sounds a bit funny in my head... there always used to be someone we could invite for the evening. There always were too many people. We always used to feel guilty about not inviting them enough. Yesterday, for the first time, we realized, there is no one we can invite for the coming weekend. X and Y are going abroad for a week (plus, we've seen them two days ago), Z and V are only free on Thursdays (and I'm not, see above), the Ws are in Rome for a month! And... that's basically it. *sigh*
And now for the most exciting part. I'm going abroad for the first time since Christmas 2019! I'm gong to Germany, to visit my brother and Grandma, both of whom I haven't seen in all this time. Even though we talk on the phone daily. I'm excited and happy, but also pretty scared - not because of the pandemic (I'm fully vaccinated and very careful), but because my brother and I are best friends mainly in theory. Whenever we met in the last years, we ended up fighting and twice I left his home before my planned departure. He wants me to come for "at least two weeks", which for me is "two weeks maximum and I'm looking for reasons to need to go somewhere else in the middle". We probably won't fight on the first day... but it really doesn't take long. And they live in a tiny village, there's nowhere to go, no one to see. Not even shopping. I used to go to the next town to shop, but he keeps telling me shopping is hardly possible (long queues in front of every shop, CoVid testing at every entry) and wants me to order everything online. I'm not sure I'll survive the two weeks. They watch stuff in the evenings, every evening, and if I say I don't feel like it and go to read, they are hurt, because I don't want to spend time with them... Well. Having said all this, I will try to look at the bright side and will only discuss positive aspects of my going to Germany from now on. I love my brother and I know he loves me. We'll try our best, I hope.
I know a bit of how you've been doing, because I have been reading my reading list, even if not too regularly. And, as usual, I'm grateful to you for continuing to write and making me feel that there's a world out there. But nevertheless let me ask - how have you been doing?
I disappeared, because this last academic year ate me up and spat me out, and I just couldn't anymore at some point. By now, the academic year is mostly over. There are still exams, final projects and such, but no more teaching. And only a few things that require my participation.
My advanced class gave me a book of poetry and an incredibly nice card - they filled its two pages with very small handwriting, I can barely read it, but isn't it tremendously sweet of them to feel the need to say all that to me? I remember they wanted to "send me a present" last year - we couldn't meet because of CoVid, so they asked for my address :D I said I couldn't accept anything, because they were still going to be my students next (= this) year, so - now they made up for that.
Our section gave us language teachers presents - for the first time in the almost 10 years I work there - and I was the first to get one. I mean, I've been there for almost ten years. I've gotten used to the feeling that I'm not really appreciated. So it was a nice gesture. The present is a gift card to a book shop - I don't know for how much money, though, it's not written anywhere on the card, so I'll have to go there and ask. (and the book shop is where I work, which is 3 hours away from where I live, and I'm not going back there before the new academic year starts, so...)
What else? I'm doing my best to stay or become friends with some... friends... sounds funny, but, you see - my best friend found happiness one and a half hours away from our town, and with CoVid and everything... and with her getting pregnant and now having a very new little baby - we didn't see each other much in the last two years. And a friend is an animal you need to cuddle, feed and listen to, otherwise they loose the connection. So - I'm trying to go and see her on a regular basis now. Up until now, I've managed to visit her once. The second visit has been postponed twice, it's now scheduled for this coming Thursday. I hope I'll manage to get there and have a good time.
The other "friend I'm trying to become friends with" is the wife of our friend who died in January. It was always enough for us to love him, and to be OK with her. But now that he is gone, we feel that we don't want to loose contact. I think, she and I are quite similar - we're both loners who like hiding under their beds, which is why it isn't easy for us to actually see each other enough to become friends. But last time she was here (she lives 2 hours away, too) I took her to the pool and we had a really good time and good conversation. So. I'm hopeful.
We feel the loss of the two friends who died keenly. Not only because we loved _them_, but also because... and this sounds a bit funny in my head... there always used to be someone we could invite for the evening. There always were too many people. We always used to feel guilty about not inviting them enough. Yesterday, for the first time, we realized, there is no one we can invite for the coming weekend. X and Y are going abroad for a week (plus, we've seen them two days ago), Z and V are only free on Thursdays (and I'm not, see above), the Ws are in Rome for a month! And... that's basically it. *sigh*
And now for the most exciting part. I'm going abroad for the first time since Christmas 2019! I'm gong to Germany, to visit my brother and Grandma, both of whom I haven't seen in all this time. Even though we talk on the phone daily. I'm excited and happy, but also pretty scared - not because of the pandemic (I'm fully vaccinated and very careful), but because my brother and I are best friends mainly in theory. Whenever we met in the last years, we ended up fighting and twice I left his home before my planned departure. He wants me to come for "at least two weeks", which for me is "two weeks maximum and I'm looking for reasons to need to go somewhere else in the middle". We probably won't fight on the first day... but it really doesn't take long. And they live in a tiny village, there's nowhere to go, no one to see. Not even shopping. I used to go to the next town to shop, but he keeps telling me shopping is hardly possible (long queues in front of every shop, CoVid testing at every entry) and wants me to order everything online. I'm not sure I'll survive the two weeks. They watch stuff in the evenings, every evening, and if I say I don't feel like it and go to read, they are hurt, because I don't want to spend time with them... Well. Having said all this, I will try to look at the bright side and will only discuss positive aspects of my going to Germany from now on. I love my brother and I know he loves me. We'll try our best, I hope.
