the pleasure of being at home

[howsmyenglish]

All the travels last year exhausted me beyond measure. And I'm only just beginning to feel it. Astonishing really, considering I've been back home since the middle of October. I mean, I _knew_ I must have been exhausted, I felt the ache in my inflamed leg and the lack of space for new information in my head, but I did not feel the exhaustion itself. When we finally returned home, we were stressed out. Teaching (we both teach), doing research (we both do research), doing lots of home-related things, social engagements (as well as seeing friends whom we missed, which is still stressful, when you're stressed out and looking for some quiet time) - all those things kind of prevented us from feeling tiredness, we just wished to see no people, that's it. So, we didn't go out on weekends. We went grocery shopping, we went to work, we went to the various social engagements. But we did not go for walks anymore. Something we used to do regularly before. At first, we kept telling people that we're so tired from not being at home, that we don't want to leave it now. Then, we said: the weather is too bad, it's too cold and rainy, we'll wait until it clears up. We were lucky, because it didn't clear up for quite a long time. But then all the forecasts said: this Saturday will be nice, sunny and warm. So we knew we had to go for a walk. And we said: great! Finally. We couldn't believe we could finally do something so trivial, but so much part of our life that it was almost shameful we had neglected it for such a long time.
Besides, a friend came to visit us yesterday, someone who rarely comes (and rarely is invited), so he didn't hear much about our travels last year. And it was yesterday that my husband and I actually told each other that we are not looking forward to any new travels and trying to get rid of any work-related things, because we just can't. I didn't know he felt that way, too. But. anyhow.
We went for the walk today. It was great. We saw places we like to see, talked nonsense, sat, walked again, sat again. Just. Our previously typical weekend walk. Then we decided, we hadn't had enough, so we drove to another place, walked there, too, and went then to eat at a place we like to go to once in a blue moon. It was basically our dream weekend day. And then we came back home.
I was surprised, when I realized that husband was cranky. I got worried, when I realized that I was touchy. But then I realized: it was our first walk since we came back and we finally and suddenly felt all the exhaustion. Husband fell asleep thirty minutes after we returned and I got busy making myself feel cozily at home: lighting the fire, turning on the diffuser (it's so nice, so so nice, let me tell you), etc. It was only when I felt an unbearable craving for beer (something that overcomes me, when I'm exhausted beyond measure) that I realized that I finally was feeling the exhaustion that just came down upon me some time last year and was lying there on top of me like a ton of stones, leaving me no chance even to stir under it. Wow. I had no idea it was this bad. I don't know when we'll be able to go out for a walk again. It's too much like not being at home!
(On the other hand, I think this also might explain some of my depression, which is so great! Or... is it the same hand?)

Comments

[thewayne]

I was reading about all your international travel over the last year or so, and I was saying OMG! THAT'S a LOT of international travel! Is she ALWAYS like that?! I know some of it was work-related, doing that conference in Thailand, etc.

It definitely takes time to decompress, sounds like you're recognizing it and slowly moving through it. Enjoy your beer!

[howsmyenglish]

Well, on the one hand, I can't help travelling a lot, because of who I am - you know, citizen of one country living in another, having been born in a third and working on a forth, but most of the travel last year was not because of that. Though it was all work related - only, not to my work. My husband needed to spend half a year abroad because of his work, and because we still wanted to be together, we arranged meetings in other countries. We knew it was too much from the beginning. But decided that was still better than just being apart.

Decompressing! Thanks for the metaphor, it's very to the point!

Enjoy your beer!
Thanks! :D

[thewayne]

AH!  Now that makes a lot more sense!  If I did know you were traveling because of hubby's job, it'd slid off my mind. It's always interesting that so frequently that when you come back from a vacation, you need a vacation to relax a bit. :-)

[howsmyenglish]

I think it was when I was writing the previous comment that I realized I might not have mentioned the reason for all the travels here at all... I suppose a person that travels non stop with no apparent reason must look peculiar to some people ;D

[thewayne]

I've known people who did lots of travel, but not many who did lots of international travel!  Your journeys were kind of exceptional in my experience, so they did stand out.  And I thought it was pretty cool. :-)  I really appreciate my DW/LJ friends who live outside of North America, while I've all-to-briefly visited Prague and SE and East Germany, I love reading about and hearing about life outside of the USA.  I especially appreciate the photographs that some post: Fairy69 on LJ and Falena here on DW being two who post a good amount of photos, gives me nice views of parts of Italy and France, respectively.  Two other friends on LJ, Porsupah and Dave's Music Tank post a lot of pix from the UK.