(partly) not my memories
Jul. 29th, 2021 03:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
howsmyenglishThe last part of the cleansing ritual has to be a new post - so that the previous one is not the one I keep seeing when I log in. It's a good thing I have a lot to say these days :)
The two weeks at my brother's are coming to an end. Interestingly, I feel like I spent here a month. I guess it's because I've gotten used to being at home, but also, because I've had so many impressions here. So many new impressions. One of the things I've been doing here was to go through two huge boxes of Grandma's "papers".
When my brother brought her here after she lost the ability to walk and had the stroke that ate half of her brain cells, he brought here lots of things - apart from her clothes, her furniture, the little things she used to have around her, her favorite cup and all the stuff like that. And he also brought here two huge boxes of "papers". He didn't even know what was in them - our aunt (let me just say that she made everything valuable disappear before my brother came to get Grandma's things) had thrown them in there in a chaotic mess. So, brother and F, his partner, rightly decided that I should be the one to sort them out and put them in my room.
I always was the one who is about words. Brother says, he doesn't even think in words. I've no idea how that's possible, my inner monologue never stops. But it was not only about words.
It turned out, the boxes contained a huge amount of pictures - some of them show people like our great Grandma as a child and some are recent - before the death on our mother in 2016, many pictures of our family were made. The last sentence in so cryptic that it leaves the impression that my mother was a photographer. She wasn't. Just - before she died there were people who made us pose for pictures. And after - there weren't. Some of the pictures were in albums, some were strewn around, some were glued in DIY calendars.
I was happy to see many of them - many I knew from my childhood, but haven't seen them at all for the last 20 or more years. I was also happy to see many of the more recent ones, because I myself hardly kept anything (the fucking asshole (see previous post) persuaded me to get rid of all baggage). I was also happy to see a lot of mama-pictures. So, I made a pile for myself. Then, I sorted out a pile for brother - he may also want to look at us, at mama, at Grandma (why do I keep capitalizing this word?) sometime. And then - there's the rest. Lots of pictures no one needs - nature and a tiny figure on snow, for instance. I could theoretically even throw them away... (but I can't) But with those - we at least often know, who the tiny figure is. There is also a huge amount of pictures of people we've no ideas about. You know, the ones from the time great Grandma was a child. She had lots of brothers and sisters, they all had. And Grandma used to be able to sit with us and tell us, who all those people were. And I even have recorded dialogues with her, where she tells me all she can remember - about her own life and those of her family. But even if I could remember all that, those people are still complete strangers. And yet, it seems like it's a part of history. Today we make dozens of pictures every day, back then it was a special occasion. So... what should we do with those? We're keeping them, of course. They will lie around in a box. No one will ever look at them. And then... should the house burn down, so will they... but should it not, should brother stay here until he dies, what happens then? Who needs them? Why? I can't help thinking about this, I've spent much time with them. What would you do? What do you do with such pictures?
You wouldn't believe the amount of postcards that there were. Grandma kept in touch with a lot of people, and all of then punctually sent her postcards. Grandma's birthday is on December 25th, so she never got separate ones for her birthday and Christmas/New Year's. And still, there were so many postcards, it took to one and a half days to go through all of them. And I didn't read them, I just skimped them. I don't even know why. By the end I only looked at the names, said "yeah, yeah" and threw them away.
I know it's nice to get a postcard. Someone was thinking about you and sent you one. That's nice. But the baggage. I have a much smaller pile at home. And I ask myself, when will be the right moment to throw them away, because... well, who needs them afterwards, right? And yet, I found the few last cards that Grandma got and I'm taking them home. They're from my daughter, my best friend and me - we decided back then that we have to send her cards when we go somewhere so she has a reason to open her mailbox. It was part of her routine - opening her mailbox daily - and since the house she lived in put up signs saying "no adds", the mailbox was usually empty. So we sent her cards with "interesting facts" about the places we visited... And I'm taking them back home now, because they remind me of that time, and I like them. But they'll just lie around in a box, of course.
There weren't many letters from other people. There were letters from us - from mama, brother and me - sent to Grandma between the years 1991 and 1994, because we lived in different countries then. It's a huge pile. And also, there are some from our great aunt. We loved her like she was our second Grandma. So, those letters I'm taking with me.
When I first saw those letters, I thought reading them would depress me. But on the second day I was here I read through a quarter of them, and they didn't depress me in the least, they inspired me, I felt as if I had spent time with mama - a mama I never actually knew, because I was 12-15 back then and way to interested in my own life to notice anyone else. I couldn't find the time to read the rest. And also the ability to deal with even more impressions. But I know brother will not read them, and I know they're just... treasure, so they're coming with me. Even if we don't have much space and almost no cupboards.
So... why am I writing all this? I thought it would help me unload, it didn't, I just feel even more overwhelmed than before XD Well, but I would like to know what you would do with such things. Or what you did do... or will do... if you, too, have huge boxes to sort out.
(sorry, too tired to reread and correct mistakes)
The two weeks at my brother's are coming to an end. Interestingly, I feel like I spent here a month. I guess it's because I've gotten used to being at home, but also, because I've had so many impressions here. So many new impressions. One of the things I've been doing here was to go through two huge boxes of Grandma's "papers".
When my brother brought her here after she lost the ability to walk and had the stroke that ate half of her brain cells, he brought here lots of things - apart from her clothes, her furniture, the little things she used to have around her, her favorite cup and all the stuff like that. And he also brought here two huge boxes of "papers". He didn't even know what was in them - our aunt (let me just say that she made everything valuable disappear before my brother came to get Grandma's things) had thrown them in there in a chaotic mess. So, brother and F, his partner, rightly decided that I should be the one to sort them out and put them in my room.
I always was the one who is about words. Brother says, he doesn't even think in words. I've no idea how that's possible, my inner monologue never stops. But it was not only about words.
It turned out, the boxes contained a huge amount of pictures - some of them show people like our great Grandma as a child and some are recent - before the death on our mother in 2016, many pictures of our family were made. The last sentence in so cryptic that it leaves the impression that my mother was a photographer. She wasn't. Just - before she died there were people who made us pose for pictures. And after - there weren't. Some of the pictures were in albums, some were strewn around, some were glued in DIY calendars.
I was happy to see many of them - many I knew from my childhood, but haven't seen them at all for the last 20 or more years. I was also happy to see many of the more recent ones, because I myself hardly kept anything (the fucking asshole (see previous post) persuaded me to get rid of all baggage). I was also happy to see a lot of mama-pictures. So, I made a pile for myself. Then, I sorted out a pile for brother - he may also want to look at us, at mama, at Grandma (why do I keep capitalizing this word?) sometime. And then - there's the rest. Lots of pictures no one needs - nature and a tiny figure on snow, for instance. I could theoretically even throw them away... (but I can't) But with those - we at least often know, who the tiny figure is. There is also a huge amount of pictures of people we've no ideas about. You know, the ones from the time great Grandma was a child. She had lots of brothers and sisters, they all had. And Grandma used to be able to sit with us and tell us, who all those people were. And I even have recorded dialogues with her, where she tells me all she can remember - about her own life and those of her family. But even if I could remember all that, those people are still complete strangers. And yet, it seems like it's a part of history. Today we make dozens of pictures every day, back then it was a special occasion. So... what should we do with those? We're keeping them, of course. They will lie around in a box. No one will ever look at them. And then... should the house burn down, so will they... but should it not, should brother stay here until he dies, what happens then? Who needs them? Why? I can't help thinking about this, I've spent much time with them. What would you do? What do you do with such pictures?
You wouldn't believe the amount of postcards that there were. Grandma kept in touch with a lot of people, and all of then punctually sent her postcards. Grandma's birthday is on December 25th, so she never got separate ones for her birthday and Christmas/New Year's. And still, there were so many postcards, it took to one and a half days to go through all of them. And I didn't read them, I just skimped them. I don't even know why. By the end I only looked at the names, said "yeah, yeah" and threw them away.
I know it's nice to get a postcard. Someone was thinking about you and sent you one. That's nice. But the baggage. I have a much smaller pile at home. And I ask myself, when will be the right moment to throw them away, because... well, who needs them afterwards, right? And yet, I found the few last cards that Grandma got and I'm taking them home. They're from my daughter, my best friend and me - we decided back then that we have to send her cards when we go somewhere so she has a reason to open her mailbox. It was part of her routine - opening her mailbox daily - and since the house she lived in put up signs saying "no adds", the mailbox was usually empty. So we sent her cards with "interesting facts" about the places we visited... And I'm taking them back home now, because they remind me of that time, and I like them. But they'll just lie around in a box, of course.
There weren't many letters from other people. There were letters from us - from mama, brother and me - sent to Grandma between the years 1991 and 1994, because we lived in different countries then. It's a huge pile. And also, there are some from our great aunt. We loved her like she was our second Grandma. So, those letters I'm taking with me.
When I first saw those letters, I thought reading them would depress me. But on the second day I was here I read through a quarter of them, and they didn't depress me in the least, they inspired me, I felt as if I had spent time with mama - a mama I never actually knew, because I was 12-15 back then and way to interested in my own life to notice anyone else. I couldn't find the time to read the rest. And also the ability to deal with even more impressions. But I know brother will not read them, and I know they're just... treasure, so they're coming with me. Even if we don't have much space and almost no cupboards.
So... why am I writing all this? I thought it would help me unload, it didn't, I just feel even more overwhelmed than before XD Well, but I would like to know what you would do with such things. Or what you did do... or will do... if you, too, have huge boxes to sort out.
(sorry, too tired to reread and correct mistakes)
no subject
Date: 2021-07-29 02:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-07-29 06:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-07-29 06:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-07-30 12:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-08-05 10:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-08-05 10:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-07-30 01:43 pm (UTC)Yesterday someone came to my library with a copy of a photograph of the groundbreaking of my university! Unfortunately she could only identify one person in the photo, fortunately the son of the person frequents my library! I'm going to try cleaning it today, then I'm going to scan it before putting it into my archive room.
no subject
Date: 2021-07-30 01:46 pm (UTC)But that's what happens in this age of digital photography. I've been a photographer for over four decades, and I scanned all of my film negatives and slides that I've been able to find.
no subject
Date: 2021-08-05 10:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-08-05 10:46 am (UTC)